Well, now is your time to spice things up with a night of burlesque, magic & a 3 course meal!
How it works
You walk through the doors and get a glass of fizz.
Then you’re entertained by me doing close-up magic.
Then you’re taken to your table for a lovely meal.
After the starter you get to see two amazing burlesque acts
After the main course you get to see another two burlesque acts
And after your dessert, there’s a double act by the two burlesque acts. There will also be table by me during the meal.
All that for £29!!
When is it?
First Friday of the month for the next 6 months – it’s gonna be epic. Hope to see some of you then.
Friday May 5th
Friday 2nd June
Friday 7th July
Friday 4th August
Friday 1st September
Friday 6th October
Where do I get tickets?
Tickets are available on https://www.5pm.co.uk/
So if you’d like to see me performing close-up magic and you’re free on the First Friday of the Month then get your tickets now.
What about the second Saturday Of The Month
On the Second Saturday Of the Month you can catch out our amazing show over at The Admiral Bar.
Different show featuring 3 Comedians, 2 Burlesque acts and 1 magician (sometimes me) tickets and details available over at www.enterteasement.com
Confessions Of A Conjuror
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spend your life as a professional magician? After nearly 14 years of touring the world Chris Dinwoodie’s will spill the beans on the high’s and lows (mainly the lows) of his magical journey
Expect to hear about his most embarrassing stories, the worst gig he’s ever performed? Dealings with the police and celebrities.
There will also be some old magic and some brand new magic he’s never performed in front of a live audience before.
Expect to be amazed and entertained.
On Saturday 26th of March Chris Dinwoodie, aka Woody The Magician presents his Comedy / Magic show “Off The Cuff” This will be a mixture of some of his classic routines and some never seen before miracles.
- Passed The Magic Circle exam with over 90%
- International Magic Champion
- 5 x Scottish Close-up Magic Champion
- One of the few magicians to regularly perform on The Scottish Comedy Circuit.
- Has performed for Royalty, Celebrities and Dave…not the TV show, just a guy called Dave.
VENUE: The Admiral Bar, 72 Waterloo Street, Glasgow
SHOW 8 – 9pm
Coincidence plays a big part of magic. The spectator freely selects a card and by some magical coincidence it’s the same card the magician predicted at the start of the show; however, sometimes real life coincidence without any sleight of hand of trickery can be even more magical.
Let me share my favourite serendipity of the year.
At the end of November, I was performing magic over in Arran at the Santa Sparkle event, run by the guys at the Glenisle Hotel. The event is staged in a Marquee across from their hotel. The event has a light show, fireworks, a live band, Santa Clause & Mrs Clause, professional dancers, fantastic stalls…and moi.
The main show I’m meant to do is a stand-up comedy magic show. That starts at 7pm, however since I’m there I’ve been signed up to do some close-up magic and balloon modelling during the day.
On paper, it all looks great, however, this is Scotland, the land where a lovely idea on paper can quickly turn to paper mache. The event is taking place in a marquee said marquee is on the grass, next to the beach. The day was meant to start with a santa parade, but unfortunately uninvited guest arrived called Storm Clodagh. She turned up bringing with her 80mph winds, hailstones and torrential rain. Although the marquee didn’t blow away there was now a permanent water feature running over the grass making it wet and muddy. I wasn’t sure if the event would go ahead but these Arran folks are not to be put off by something as mild as a bit of a hurricane.
My first show of the day begins and I’m providing balloon models for the kids. This is not something I specialise in but I’m pretty quick at firing them out. Queues aren’t the most exciting thing to wait in line for, especially when you’re standing in a puddle but the audience were there and they were happy to wait. I’m making the balloon animals and the majority of the kids want a dog or a sword so the queue is moving pretty quickly and everyone is in high spirits.
Next in line is a young girl about eight years old. I ask her what she would like but she doesn’t respond, I ask her again and she cuddles into her mum and avoids all eye contact. I don’t know if she’s just painfully shy, she’s depressed because of the weather or if she’s sad because Mrs Clause and the dancers had to cancel. What I do know is that she’s waited in a puddle for about 20 minutes so she clearly wants a balloon just not to communicate. I’ve had this before. The solution is normally just to start naming things you can make the child will nod or the parent will jump in and say, “Oh, you like dogs, will the nice man make you a pink dog?” I start saying things I can make. I say would you like a dog? teddy bear? a swan? a cat? snake? giraffe..no reaction, no answer – I’m struggling so I change from animals to objects. “How about a flower? sword? wand? hat? heart? a machine gun?
The mother looked at me when I said machine gun like I’d lost my mind but could see I was trying my hardest to find something.
At this point, I’m really struggling and I’m running out of things I can remember how to make or even kid on I can make for that matter (I’ve sneakily passed on a few swords in my time cleverly disguised as light sabres and by disguise I mean, I’ve changed the name and let the child’s imagination do the rest)
So I say, “erm, how about a…octopus, or a…parrot…or erm, a snail? ” BOOM!!!The child & her mother jump into life like one of the fireworks has gone off.
Her mum says, “She loves snails!!”
I ask her: “Do you like snails?”
She says, “Yes, I love to draw them”
I said, “Well you’re not going to believe this, but my favourite thing to make from balloons are snails”
(This is actually true, I think of all the animals the snail is the most lifelike and the antenna give it character. )
seventy five seconds later I hand over her snail. She smiles and reaches into her pocket. I start to get embarrassed. Lots of times people think they have to pay for the balloons because they don’t realise unlike the stalls, I’m paid to be there. But it’s too late, the wee girl has reached into her pocket and has come out with an outstretched arm and a clenched hand. I really don’t want to take this wee girls sweetie money especially as she’s started off so shy and has now really come out of her shell (no pun intended)
So I’m thinking, “I’ll open my hand, she’ll drop a pound in there, I’ll vanish it, make it appear from her ear, give it back to her and say it’s a magic coin and ask her to keep it safe for me”
I open my hand and she gives me…a beautiful white snail shell.
I don’t know if this was her lucky shell, she may have had a full pocket full of them for all I know but I was really taken aback at this wee gift and I shall keep it with me always. I’ve even named it Shelly 🙂
Shazam, you lovely people. Here’s the deal. I’ve loved magic ever since I was 4 year old boy (before that I was a girl and it never really appealed to me) Over the next 16 years I learned lots of magic, picked the tricks that suited me best and put together an act good enough to win awards and perform at a professional level. A few years later I took the biggest gamble of my life and left my job to pursue my dream of performing magic full time. Although it was the best decision of my life….I probably should have left my job with more than one booking in the diary.
Over the years I’ve experimented with different styles & clients. At one point I was a serious mind-reader performing for Millionaires and Royalty. However, I always felt more at home thinking on my feet in front of a live working class comedy audience, it just felt more real and it was something I was not only good at, but something few entertainers could do. Recently I’ve been focusing more on the business side of things, however I now have the magic bug back and I’m enjoying writing and developing a new act and you can be the first to see it on March 28th as part of the Glasgow Comedy Festival.
Glasgow Comedy Festival
On Saturday, 28th March 2015, I will be performing a mixture of my tried and tested routines with some new and exciting effects just released to the magic world. I’d love it if you all came along. I’ll also be sharing some of my most embarrassing / funny stories from gigs that didn’t go quite as planned.
The Admiral Bar: 72 Waterloo Street, Glasgow
For £8 this is an absolute steal. (especially as you’ll be entitled to free entry to the comedy show afterwards)
Howdy, been way too long since I updated my website. 2015 top of the list has to be a total make-over and updated listings etc. My website was recently hacked twice!! so for those of you who have been trying to get me sorry for the delay. This seems to be it live and working now.
I still have some dates available and I’m in contact with all the good / reliable magicians in Scotland so if you’re looking for someone for your event don’t hesitate to get in contact and I’ll do my best to find someone for you quickly & free of charge.
Public December Shows
December 12th & 13th
I’m up in Stirling at one of my favourite venues http://www.kiltedkangaroo.com/
If you haven’t booked your Christmas party yet and are not too far for Stirling, I’d think about giving them a wee call.
I’ve been performing 1 hour stand-up shows for clients for years but I’ve never done one myself so it’s exciting times. Also in the last 12 months I’ve climbed the ranks of the comedy world and have been headlining a few of the smaller clubs and doing quite well. I see this Stand-up Comedy magic as a new challenge and it’s something I’d like to do. I’m actually finding it helps my close-up magic and my close-up magic helps the stand-up magic so by the end of the week if all goes well I should be World Champion.
So what’s the Show About?
“Tricks I do and nonsense I talk” was less than the 150 words required for show description so I thought about what else I could talk about and as I’m:
- Magic Champion
- Poker Champion
- Scottish Comedian Of The Year Semi-finalist (I was robbed honest governor)
So I have combined them to make the show ‘I Would’t Want To Play Cards With You’
Granted it’s not the shortest title; but when I’m out performing, virtually every night someone will say, “I wouldn’t want to play cards with you!” and now when they say it my ego will think “Ahh, they’ve seen my show”. So expect magic, poker chips, how to read people and a magic doughnut.
Well my big mate and magic mentor Jim Trainer passed away last year and it reminded me life is to short and it was probably about time to get up off my bottom and take a few risks. So this is a risk. He passed away on the deadline for the Glasgow Comedy Festival Submission day and I know he’d have appreciate this so they show’s dedicated to Jim and I’ll be performing something he game me at it 🙂
Oh…and April 2nd is MY BIRTHDAY!!
I’m happy to announce that I’ve joined that elite group of performers to be flown around the world. Some go to Australia – I went to The Isle of Islay.
Islay is about 90 miles from Glasgow and is just behind the Isle Of Bute. It’s a small island with just over 3000 people living there. It’s famous for its whisky distilleries and the excellent Scottish film called Angels’ Share.
I was booked to do some close-up magic for the wedding of Mhairi and husband…it was her wedding!
I get to the airport and I was looking forward to a little snooze on the plane. However, the air hostess asked me if I would mind taking the emergency seat on the plane. I asked if there was another seat to which she replied, “yes…but he’s flying the plane”. She wasn’t kidding! I built bigger gliders as a child from the Airfix modelling kits. So I’m on the plane guarding the emergency door knowing that if I make a mistake me and the other 3 passengers lives could be in risk – it wasn’t too much responsibility. As we embarked on the mammoth 25 minute flight that left at 8:30 the pilot gave us a wee tour guide of the Isle of Bute and the names of all the puddles we were flying over. I suppose when he signed up to do the transatlantic journeys he had factored in more excitement. However, it was at this point he said something strange:
DING DONG: “Ladies and Gentlemen (Pause…I think he checked the flight roster and yes today he was carrying both males and females so he continued) Today’s flight left at on schedule at 8:30 the flight duration is 25 minutes so we will land on Islay at 9:10am”
Now if you’re anything like me…you do the maths! I’ve got my Columbo hat on and something not quite adding up. Surely 25 minutes after 8:30 is 8:55 not 9:10 – where’s this extra 15 minutes coming from?
DING DONG: “For those of you wondering about the time difference the flight only takes 25 minutes but the airport doesn’t open till 9am!”
I swear I thought we’d be landing on a field; but, sure enough it was a airport. We get off the plane and we wait on the bags to come through and I see one of the funniest things ever. You know on a normal airport there’s the luggage carousel? Well this was more like the conveyor belt found at Tesco! Normally when your bag comes out in the first 3 you feel lucky! Mine came 3rd or as it’s known on Islay – ‘last’. I’ve been told there will be a taxi waiting for me and I let fame get to my head. I was expecting someone there with a cardboard cut out with my name on it or maybe the phrase “magician” or something. But, no – nothing. After waiting around for a wee while I check my email to see if I’ve to phone a taxi and there’s only one other person in the airport who eventually approaches me and says “Are you the magician? ” I nod, “He says I’m Tom, I’m your taxi”. Cool. We then walk to the carpark and I see a yellow car from the 80’s. I’ve never seen a car like it and Tom informs me it’s a limited edition. He then says, “Excuse what you see next” and opens the passenger door. “Now we’re talking” I’m thinking, finally a bit of celebrity treatment for surely the foremost entertainer on the island! I was wrong. The driver door didn’t open so Tom had to use the passenger door to enter and exit the car. Now it was my turn and as I entered I saw tapes, yip, cassette tapes and plenty of them (Any readers born after the 80’s go and ask a parent or guardian) Then I spotted his magnetically powered Satnav otherwise known as ‘A Compass’ (this is 100% true). Right on the dashboard where you’d normally find the satnav was Tom’s trusty compass. I joked about it and Tom said it kept him heading in the right direction.
Tom informs me of Island protocol. He says “it’s slooooow”. He informs me that my understanding of “I’ll do that tomorrow” would be interpreted as “I’ll do that the day after today”; however, on Islay this only means, “I’m not doing it today”. It would appear I’ve been on The Islay Gym Schedule and Islay Diet for quite some time.
I arrive at the hotel, the person who was meant to leave my room hasn’t departed yet, the cleaner hasn’t turned up yet etc and before I can think of complaining I think of the countless stories of Tom telling me “this is Islay – things run slower here”
So I asked the girl if there was anywhere I could have breakfast and she thought about it for a minute and said, “You could try the restaurant” I inquired “And where might this restaurant be?” She responded “upstairs – just tell psycho you’re staying here tonight and will be requiring an extra breakfast”. I’ll address these points sequentially:
1) It was the hotels restaurant. Now call me daft; but, If I worked in a hotel that served breakfast and someone asked me where they could get breakfast I wouldn’t have to think too long to find the answer. It would be the same as someone phoning me up and asking if I knew anyone that perfomed magic at weddings and me saying, “erm…well, I suppose I do them”. However, there was a more pressing matter
2) Who the f**k is psycho? Did a guy with a knife just turn up to the hotel and they said “Great your here, get chopping those onions!” and Psycho for the first time in his life just felt accepted?
So up I went to the restaurant and sat down, placed the sharpest knife to my right (you can take the boy out of Glasgow but you can’t take Glasgow out the boy) and the chef appears and looks at me confused. I informed him that I was staying overnight and would like an extra breakfast. He asks me what I want, I ask for a menu, he looks confused and says “Do you just want the full lot” I agree, hoping for a fry up rather than the deeds of the restaurant, and he says it’ll be a couple of minutes. I sit down and I my mind wonders and starts to think about psychos in horror films and how they always move really slow – maybe they’re just from Islay! Maybe the guy cooking my breakfast is the ‘King Of The Zombies’. Who knows? but I’m hungry and I’m brought out of my daydream when Psycho informs me the breakfast is in the silver containers at the back. It’s your standard breakfast buffet set-up with the big industrial metal containers where you lift the lid and take what you want. I lift the lid of the first container to discover one sausage, I put it on my plate. Container two contained one slice of bacon, container three contained one fried egg and container four contained about twenty black puddings. Would it not have been easier to just put these things on a plate and bring the plate over?
After breakfast I went for a walk thinking I might as well see some of the place. I popped into the post office and turn on the Glasgow charm, “bla bla bla, first time here bla bla is there anything I shouldn’t miss here?”
Clerk: “You could try The Pier.”
So I’m over at the hub of excitement better known as ‘The Pier’ the excitement was wearing off but then up pops something in the sea and it turned out to be a seal. The seal was quite causally playing popping his head up and about the place and I thought that was pretty cool.
I went for a wander and the island was beautiful and very relaxed. Being an asthmatic there’s a strange sensation that most people don’t understand. The air was really clean. I could feel my lungs getting purified by the minute but it’s quite a strange thing to say to someone, “they air here is really clear”. I’m sure there’s a really bad chat-up line in there somewhere and if there is…I’ll find it!
Off to the wedding.
Tom said he’d get me at 2:30 so at 3:25 he appears for me in the Islay Mobile and takes me to the wedding.
I get started, tricks going well and I’m having a lot of fun. It was a glorious day which made it very sunny and luckily for me everyone was wearing those reflective sunglasses so anytime someone took a card as soon as they looked at it I’d just see the reflection in their glasses. After a while, people started assuming the cards were marked and were covering the backs of the cards. It was funny because I was teaching some people how it was done and this was confusing the other guests.
Then I saw a blast from the past – I used to work in IT for an accountancy firm in Glasgow and one of the partners of the firm was the father of the groom. How strange! 6 years ago I left his office in Glasgow and the first time I bump into him is on an island.
People were asking me what I thought of the Island and as I hadn’t really experienced anything all I could talk about was the seal at the pier and the hotel.
Toby The Seal
I thought I might have been the only person to see the seal or there might be numerous seals; but, it turns out there is only 1 seal and his name is Toby. The legend of Toby is that he’s the laziest seal in the sea. He swam into the pier years ago and people threw him fish and he quite liked it so just stayed. Whilst other seals are out chasing fish, he just stays in the pier and the fisherman go out and do all the work and when they come back they feed him. The only time he goes out to sea is to mate. I made the joke, “It sounds like he’s on the brew” but no one found it funny.
Rumour has it he will swim up against the side of boats and people will rub his tummy with a brush. However, years ago he got a bit big for his own boots because they used to have small boats who didn’t know the score. Toby would say hi do his party tricks and if the people didn’t know who he was he’d jump on the boat and start looking for the fish himself nearly capsizing the boats in the process.
I thought Toby might be a story the tell the outsiders but sure enough every postcard in Islay has Toby on it.
History of Psycho
I’m told Psycho basically turned up to the hotel 1 day not with a knife; but, with a Great Dane (the big dog) After some negotiations he was employed as live in chef. He was given a room with bunk beds and the dog sleeps on the bottom bunk and Psycho sleeps on the top bunk.
Romance for me
I did meet one girl who was absolutely breathtaking, I didn’t chat her up though…because the air is so clean…told you I’d find it.
I had a cracking time. I met loads of nice people and the wedding was fun & relaxed. It’s just a shame I don’t like whisky because everyone else thought the stuff was great. I’m sure I’ll be back over again as everyone who lived there loved the place. They said it’s the place they wanted to raise their kids. I’m sure a week there would either drive me mad or totally recharge my batteries. That’s all for now folks.
All weddings are missing…
Well I was the Wedding Magician in Newton Stewart on Saturday and after a 2.5 hour drive most of which was around winding country roads that made me think the obesity epidemic is actually caused by the introduction of power stearing. You heard it here first folks the weighted steering wheel workout will be making a come back at some point in the next 2000 years or so.
Anyhow, I finally arrived and it was my first wedding on a farm! Yip, cows and everything just wandering around – it was mad. These people love animals so much they even had a dog at it. Yes, in the Marquee was a wee dog walking up and down the aisle of the temporary church. I think all weddings should have a dog as it gives people something to look at and just think if this happened.
“Does anyone here present know of any reason why these two people shouldn’t be married?”
Would that not be the highlight of your life?
Dynamo how you haunt me
Every 5 years we are presented with a new TV Magician and right now Dynamo is inspiring everyone under the age of 14 to pick up a deck of cards and with every shuffle of the cards they dream of becoming the next big thing. It’s almost becoming rare to attend a wedding that I’m not introduced to someone who immediately asks if you can walk through walls. Today was a little different…mainly because the closest wall had a gate on it and the others are made out of tarpaulin (or whatever marquees are made out of). So I was presented with the customary 12 year old child Findlay who was going to show me a trick. These things are always nerve wracking for me as there are literally a million tricks out there and I don’t know all of them. It’s always that moment of, “I’m the professional magician and I don’t want to look stupid in front of a 12 year old” Luckily for me…he got the trick wrong and I managed to keep my job for the day.
It’s nice to be nice
As the speeches started it was time for me to head back to Glasgow to teach magic followed by a gig in a comedy club. However, before I left I noticed the cards young Findley was using and I thought it would be a nice gesture to leave a deck of unopened professional Bicycle cards for him in the house. As I thought about it, I thought they’ll just assume I’ve left them by accident so I thought I’d better leave a note. Trouble was I couldn’t find a piece of paper and I started to become really guilty at the thought I was wondering around someone’s house and if I was caught the excuse of “I was looking for a bit of paper ” wasn’t going to work. Even as I mentally practiced it I didn’t believe myself. (is it bad that a professional liar was essentially feeling guilty about telling the truth?) Thankfully there was 1 piece of paper in the printer so I stole that, wrote a wee encouragement note and a p.s. of I’m sorry I stole the paper. I got a lovey wee thank you from the client today to say.
Just a quick email to thank you for Saturday. Everyone loved it and you did a great job in terrible weather conditions. Thanks also for the cards you left for Findlay . He has not laid them down since !!
Yip, I’m back on the bill for my Enterteasement show. I’ll be on the bill along with some of the best names in the business.
My New Trick
I’ll be trying some new stuff as well including my favourite all time trick. Let me explain. About 7 years ago I saw a trick at a magic convention and I was in awe! It’s not the type of trick that fools a magician; but, I was amazed how much confidence it took to even attempt this trick. Over the years I have told many people about this effect and how it was a total lesson in misdirection and audience management. So when I heard the American magician, who I’d seen perform the trick, was coming to Glasgow to perform a lecture on his act…I knew I would have to learn this trick and put it in my act.
So I’ve been practicing it at home which confused the neighbours because I have a mannequin that sits in my front room and sometimes I think they think I’m talking to it and other times I hope the think I’m only talking to it!
But I took it out on Saturday night where I was performing at Hootenany’s Bar opening in Glasgow and there were a bunch of Irish Guys so they saw it first and they loved it. I kinda bottled it on my Sunday show and didn’t perform it. But on Monday I was full of confidence and was performing at a Graduation ball and the booker asked to see something that no one else had seen so I did it and he loved it so I’m all happy. It’ll need some polishing off before it’s perfect but I’m all happy it’s coming together.
So What is Enterteasement?
It’s a Comedy Magic Burlesque night at The Admiral Bar in Glasgow. I was already performing on the comedy scene and at some burlesque clubs and made sense for me to run a night bringing all 3 together and it’s been an absolute blast. People often ask me if I’ve ever had a ‘Stand’ act on or a Jongleurs act on the bill. So this month I’m proud to announce that I’ve got The Headline act for Jongleurs as my Headline….and I’ve also got the Headline act for The Stand opening my show. Yip, that might be why we have a 4.6 star average customer review. It is simply the best line-up in Scotland of any of the Comedy Clubs.
Saturday June 8th
8pm – 10:30
The Admiral Bar: 72 Waterloo Street, Glasgow
Full details over at www.enterteasement.com